REVIEW: The Cellar [2022]

Solve et Coagula. Keira (Elisha Cuthbert) and Brian Woods (Eoin Macken) are masters at their craft. Their marketing firm has gone viral with campaigns that infiltrate the psychology of their audiences in ways few can—or, at least, that’s what we’re supposed to glean from a crucial pitch (depicted with hollowly superficial ad-speak tropes) that will apparently “make or break” the company despite the couple having just moved their family to a giant Irish mansion on a whim. That last part doesn’t really scream, “We’re one client away from bankruptcy.” does…

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REVIEW: Goon: Last of the Enforcers [2017]

“What a great lockout” The best part of hockey comedy Goon is its ability to never forget itself. Jay Baruchel and Evan Goldberg didn’t write it (based on Adam Frattasio and Douglas Smith‘s non-fiction book) like your usual sports film where winning or losing was the goal. They instead brought to life a soft-spoken, compassionate guy whose only talent isn’t laying guys out on the ice like his bloodthirsty fans believe. No, Doug Glatt’s (Seann William Scott) calling is as protector for his family, friends, and teammates. He joined the…

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REVIEW: The Girl Next Door [2004]

“I’ll always remember … “ A film not necessarily loved upon release—many actually reviled it for “glamorizing” the life of a porn star—Luke Greenfield‘s The Girl Next Door was and still is a hilarious coming of age story for a post-American Pie world. It’s about finding yourself on the cusp of high school graduation without a memory worth telling as hitting the books and being a consummate student leaves you wanting. Matthew Kidman (Emile Hirsch) did everything he was supposed to on his quest to Georgetown and only found a…

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REVIEW: The Quiet [2005]

“Can you ever forgive me?” The premise for The Quiet always had me intrigued—a deaf mute girl living with a family hiding some dark secrets. Seeing an opportunity to tell this secret, to someone that can’t speak it to anyone if she even read her lips enough to comprehend it, the daughter relays that she will be killing her sexually abusive father. Just by watching the trailers you can see that there is something hidden within the mute girl herself, and you want to find out how the events play…

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