Tag: The Twilight Saga: New Moon

REVIEW: The Twilight Saga: Breaking Dawn Part 1 [2011]

Jared Mobarak

“Childhood is the kingdom where nobody dies” Here’s a pitch for a new Trojan Condoms’ advertising campaign tie-in to The Twilight Saga: Breaking Dawn Part 1: Even Vampires Need Protection. Yes, the entire film could have been struck from the record if only Edward Cullen (Robert Pattinson) was a responsible hundreds-year old creeper when de-flowering his literally blushing bride. A complete waste of time with its first half being all about an eighteen-year old high school graduate losing her virginity on her wedding night—I guess it’s a good example these…

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REVIEW: The Twilight Saga: Eclipse [2010]

Jared Mobarak

“I’d rather you be really dead than one of them” I’m not saying Twilight was a masterpiece, but it did hold promise—promise that its successors have done little to uphold. An overly melodramatic adolescent romance, the first film knew what it was and had enough exposition and story to hold things together through the schmaltzy eye-rolling of a smitten teen finding trouble and supernatural heroes to save her. Rather than build on that premise, the sequel became an overblown epilogue to try and introduce a love triangle we already know…

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REVIEW: The Twilight Saga: New Moon [2009]

Jared Mobarak

“You’d sacrifice your life for one of us?” You know it’s pretty bad when the second film of a ‘saga’ can have absolutely no resolution, literally start and end without adding anything to the tale but a bridge to link the first to the third, and yet be more entertaining than the original. Twilight worked for me—mostly because I never read the books to realize how stupid it will all end up—due to its romance and freshness of that aspect in a vampire drama. Usually, the genre would be all…

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